Marriage is hard.

It just is. Sometimes life gets so busy and we lose track of the last time we actually sat down and had a focused conversation. As a wife, and the one that the littles call Mommy, I am unfortunately guilty of putting my marriage on the backburner and focusing on the kids. And let me tell you, fellow Momma, we can’t do this for too long before it robs the foundation of our relationship out from under us.

I created these conversation starters for couples to help get you back on track through learning about each other, and bulding intimacy.

1. Describe what love is to you.
2. When you were growing up, how did you see love expressed in your home?
3. Was affection openly expressed in your home? How did that shape your views on affection in your marriage relationship?
4. When you were growing up, how were birthdays and holidays celebrated?
5. How was family time managed in your home growing up? What kinds of things did you do? Was family time done consistently and frequently, or randomly?
6. As you were growing up, what kinds of verbal encouragement did you hear? Who did it come from most often?
7. What has been the best gift you have ever given your spouse?
8. What are one or two things you have done to make your spouse feel loved?
9. What is one action that your spouse has done in the past that has made you feel most loved?
10. What can your spouse genuinely say to you that would make your heart flutter?
11. What is one gift that your spouse can give to you that would make you feel their love?
12. What is your favorite form of non-sexual physical touch?
13. What does quality time with your spouse mean to you? What do you do during this time?
14. What is one way that your spouse serves you?
15. What is one way that you have served your spouse?
16. When you think about your childhood, what’s the first good memory that pops up?
17. Before you were married, what was your favorite date and why?
18. What are your top 3 best moments from your wedding day?
19. If you could live in any country in the world and didn’t have to worry about a job, where would you live and why?
20. Describe the moment that you realized you were in love with your spouse.
21. In your life and from your perspective, name a couple that has a healthy marriage relationship. What qualities or characteristics do you wish to duplicate in your marriage?
22. What is your dream job? Why? What stops you from living this dream?
23. What character from a movie would you most like to be like? Why?
24. If you were a musical artist, who would you be and why?
25. What song do you want to serenade me right now? Do it!

Something to think about …

A lot of times we enter relationships with high hopes, unspoken (and sometimes unrealized) expectations, and we put on our rose-colored glasses. We think that the hiccups along the way will eventually resolve themselves and in time, life will be incredible because we are together. It kind of sounds like one of a million movie scripts.

God created us for relationship, with Him and with others. Our struggle is an opportunity to seek more of Him in our lives, and it has the greatest opportunity to glorify God if we walk where He leads us.

One thing to remember about relationships is that they cause me to look at me. I learn that I can adjust in ways that I never knew I could. And yes, it’s another opportunity to grow and mature. This includes blended families as well.

Building intimacy in marriage is well worth the struggle. Don’t give up. There are always adjustments you can make to grow closer, even when you think you have tried everything. What is the challenge you are facing in your relationship right now?

If this is a challenge for you, I would love to work with you. I can help you come up with a plan to grow in intimacy in your relationship. Learn more about how I can help at Truly Resilient Christian Counseling.

Christi